Saturday September 18, 2010 a friend of mine was murdered. She was one of the nicest people I know. She was a single mother of a 12year old girl. At first I felt numb and fearful. Then nothing.....nothing at all! Just remembering how I just saw her and thinking how could this happen? Why did this happen? Then thinking how my life could have ending the same way as hers did. She didn't deserve to die the way she did, she didn't deserve to leave behind a little girl that loved her mommy so much. But who am I to say what she deserves or not. I just have to trust that God was with her and he knows the plans he has for her daughters life.
The lesson I taught my all-stars was about how God knows everything about us. He knows everyday of our lives, he knows how many hairs we have on our head, he knows our every thought and he loves us so much! After that lesson I couldn't help to think about Syd and how God knew that she would die like that. I often wonder why he allows things to happen the way they do, especially if they are horrific. He reminds me of what his son said, life is not going to be easy and how he promises a better life for us if we believe in him.
I went to pay my respects to Sydney's family the other night and still I felt numb. Listening to speakers talk about her life and watching the picture slideshow, still I felt numb...nothing, no emotion I thought what is wrong with me? Then it came over me like a 20 foot wave crashing on my head pushing me deep into the water and sand below. I wept on her mothers shoulder and wept on her sisters shoulder and the on her daughters shoulder. I felt like I wanted to take their pain but it was those 3 ladies who took my pain. It reminded me if my moms funeral. People were coming to console me but I felt like I was consoling them. I walked out of the room feeling like a blubbering idiot! I couldn't even control my emotions and I felt terrible about it. I hope they forgive me. Even now I cannot control my emotions just thinking about the horrible thing that happened to Sydney. I will continue this later...
